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Review

What do you do when a remote control lawn mower makes mulch of your girlfriend? Duh. Simply, preserve your sweetheart's decapitated head in a deep freezer until you can find some nice, junkie-hookers to sample your special (combustable) crack-cocaine, then once they explode into pieces you can use the disembodied parts to build her a new body that will come to life with the help of an electrical storm and a smidgeon of love.

Be prepared for your beloved to explore a new found interest in tricking, throwing her patchwork-poon around like a beachball at a MTV Spring Break concert. But hey, that's what her charming knack for electrocuting 'Johns' is for, right? And really, when love is involved there's no obstacle that can't be overcome ...even weird, purple-colored areola. Just try to remain calm and no matter what happens, don't lose your head ... Uh oh, here comes Zorro the pimp and he's pissed!

Now, we understand all this can be more than a little confusing and quite difficult to take in all at once. It helps if you drill a few holes into your skull then allow yourself to relax and enjoy the topless crack-whore hotel party with Vicki Darnell, Jennifer Delora, Gittan Goding, porn star/ bad rapper Heather Hunter shaking their tits and bare-breasted Susan Napoli making out with bare-breasted Kimberly Taylor. Charlotte J. Helmkamp flaunts and jiggles her hot ho-bags for a prospective 'John' in a car. And Frankenhooker herself, Patty Mullen, strips for some fat schmuck then fries his schmuck ass and rips his fat schmuck head off. Go Frankenho!

 -- Paul James