Review

Detention: The Director's Cut
I never thought I’d see the day when I could work a few Grease 2 references into one of my porn reviews, but after drooling over every rowdy, throat-plugging, ass-cramming, cum-luscious moment of Chi Chi LaRue’s naughty scholastic romp Detention, I was practically warbling "I gotta go back... back, back to school again!"

If you’ve taken your Oral Exams, your loose jaw probably dropped to the floor plenty of times - not only out of astonishment over all the steamy, slurpy, sux-capades, but also in tribute to the overall hungness of the generously endowed (and orally talented) cast of wet-dreamy hunks. Well, Mistress Chi Chi and her irascible bad boys have hit paydirt and struck gold again, with even more dedicated cock-swallowing and ass-shellacking. Only this time, there’s plenty of hot booty to be railed, too.

First up is adorable sex puppy Matt Summers, who’s summoned by strapping D.C. Chandler into the office for a little grade waxing: despite being a model student, Matt’s failing his classes - apparently because he can’t keep the other guys’ crotch monsters out of his throat. Can he assuage D.C. into boosting his flagging grades solely with the seductive power of his magnificent deep-suction talents? You bet your gag reflex, a lack of which Matt thoroughly demonstrates with an exquisite round of cock gobbling on D.C.’s generously long and uncircumcised tool, all the way down to his bushy black pubes. Hottest moment: Matt lays on the desk with his head cocked back, gullet wide open and ready to receive the plowing thrusts of D.C.’s invasive throat plug which, when fully inserted, makes D.C.’s plump nuts squeeze up against Matt’s flaring nostrils.

Matt takes a few juicy slurps of D.C.’s hairy pie hole, but it’s Matt’s cherry that needs the lube, as D.C. soon plows his cute hairy toches extremely well. Don’t miss D.C. blowing a thick wad of man goo all over Matt’s face, followed by a creamy spurt-o-Matt (accompanied by his usual seismic series of orgasmic convulsions).

Next, we meet four guys in a classroom. Frosted blonde Kyle Kennedy, cute as a button, is a jock/discipline case who’s being punished for making fart noises in class. His coach, incensed at the boy’s insolence because it disqualifies him from the team, force-feeds the unruly brat his plump already-hard shaft, assisted by the pushing hands of the two other teammates. Soon we have a throbbing, spitting, aggressive foursome, with everyone sampling every shiny knob in the room. Hottest moment: Kyle gets plugged from both ends, then gamely takes three thick cum bursts between the eyes without flinching.

Next, janitor Chad Hunt discovers some porno mags in an open locker belonging to jock cutie Tag Adams, quite tasty with his high-and-tight military buzz cut. Before you can say “boiler room”, Chad’s enticed Tag into his dingy basement work station under the pretense of looking at his treasure trove of collected smut. Looming over the strewn plumbing fixtures (cracked sinks, crusty toilets and the like) is a wall of naughty photos. “Makes your dick hard, doesn’t it?” remarks Chad, who’s more interested in the perfectly round magnificence of Tag’s beautiful bubble booty. After astonishing Tag with the largeness of his cool rider, Chad persuades the young dude to drop trou and spread cheek for some luscious ass rimming.

The weather forecast must’ve called for showers, because Chad eventually lets loose with a long golden torrent, delivering his splashy water stream directly onto Tag’s smooth ass crevasse and yawning pink hole. If this were one of those bull’s-eye-with-a-water-pistol carnival games, Chad would’ve surely inflated the balloon first and won a prize. Tag takes another piss in the face and mouth, then deep-gags on Chad’s veiny and quite-rock-hard apparatus - all while Chad’s spritz is still dripping from Tag’s jaw.

Shower fetishists will delight to the further sight of Tag wetting his denims. Later, he sprinkles another arcing stream onto Chad’s dick, which quite substantially dwarfs Tag’s semi-soft weenie. Then, in the same drenching shot, Chad spouts forth with another triumphant arc of urination.

Cut to Tag taking a firm seat onto Chad’s fully-erect cock rod, wiggling down on it a good three quarters of its daunting length. Tag, you’re it! Later, Tag’s on his back, legs splayed, with Chad finger-teasing and spanking his puckering annulus.

This leads to what could be interpreted as a sordid ode to Miss Gulch, as Chad takes a broomstick and slides the lubricated handle into and out of Tag’s stretched hole. The overhead image of Chad piloting the witch’s stick looks like he could be churning butter. Or cream - as in the sort that will soon be spurted all over Tag’s tight muscular body.

Next up is a lavatory dalliance between a teacher (Zack Edwards) and a detainee without a hall pass (Rob Kirk). Zack sucks on Rob’s up-curved meat, and when Zack’s trousers are yanked down and his bulging boxers revealed, there’s a fresh big wet spot on ’em. Zack unleashes a heavy dong, crowned with a thick PA. He’s also got a really fierce tattoo that starts on his right ankle and wraps diagonally up his leg, around his lumbar and ends up encircling his left nipple.

More soggy weather ahead: The torrents of piss come splashing down once again (twice again, actually), as Rob and Zack both gush each other with their 100-degree fluid. After they give each other a rim chew, Rob breaks out a large black dildo, feeds it to Zack, then greases it up for the plowing. Finally we’re on with the rump-humping, as Zack rides Rob’s high hard on while propped up against a urinal. We end with Zack receiving a facial creaming, though his own jerked load is negligible.

The climactic detention room orgy begins with Matt expertly deep-gobbling five cocks in succession. While all these lovely cocks are being sucked and stroked off, Chad creeps unnoticed into the room, appraises the situation and instantly makes it a seven-way: he kneels to feast on the muy guapo cula of scruffy and tattoo’d Rascal Exclusive Johnny Hazzard (hot, muscled and delicious indeed).

Our next image is of a glorious train of frottage and sodomy, with one hunk rimming the next, while he sucks on the next, who’s stroking the next, and so on, and so on...

Chad then walks the length of the desk, feeding his heavy down-hung tool to every gulping throat in a row. Suddenly, eight-way: As Chad finishes his second round of tonsil lunging, in walks stern Principal Logan Reed, who we’d expect to be a total buzz-killing bitch about all this throbbing insubordination but who, surprisingly, kneels to cram a ready stiff cock into his mouth instead. Logan proves to be quite the cock pig, double-sucking greedily on two shafts at once.

Logan spreads cheek for the penetrating thrust of papi Hazzard’s veiny manliness; adjacent, Matt proficiently - nay, triumphantly - deep-throats every enormous inch of Chad’s super-sized meat. And whereas everyone got to taste the plunge of Chad’s dick earlier, Matt now gives up his precious little booty to just about every dick in detention, with the disproportionately hung Mr. Hunt being an understandable last in the batting order.

And Holy Bukkake, Batman! We climax with a series of seven creamy facials for lucky Mr. Summers. Then, his adorable face full of gushed Hellmann’s, Matt has another violent, moaning cum-spewing seizure. His jerky orgasmic spasm isn’t so much le petit morte as it is le tres-fucking-grande morte!!

At nearly two-and-a-half hours, this epic fuck-and-suck will keep you rapt and stroking for a long time coming. Keep plenty of replenishing fluids handy. Production values are exemplary and the fabulously fit fuckers and suckers are all in gushingly fine form. This one’s a total keeper! Being bad never looked so good! But… "Where does the pollen go?"

 -- Beef Stroganoff

Oral Exams
Can one video make a star? If it’s Oral Exams and he’s Matt Summers, then just maybe it can. He is an adorable celestial body, with sparkling eyes, a dazzling smile, a lean and well-toned body, an ample cock, a perfect butt, an insatiable sexual appetite, and most of all, no gag reflex whatsoever. He has the sucking power of a black hole, so for his first starring vehicle, Chi Chi LaRue has created an all-oral action video that surrounds his new star with 14 heavenly bodies, led by that giant planet Chad Hunt.

Okay, enough cosmos, let’s get down in the dirt:
Oral Exams is without question one of the finest videos of its kind ever made.

When a video focuses only on one particular sex act, it can often get routine and repetitive. Not here. By the time it's done with you, you'll forget there is such a thing as fucking.

The setting is one of those gay-porn high schools were everybody is at least 21, and the dress code is "nothing." The video opens with Matt hooking up with school janitor Chad Hunt in a bathroom stall. Summers gives Hunt the kind of blow-job that would be stellar even if the cock were half that size. There’s no helping hand, no excessive munching on the tip, no over-done licking of the shaft - all familiar devises used to camouflage absent oral abilities or interest. Summers takes his shafts hands-free and steadily down the throat, with undisguised pleasure.

But for god’s sake, this is Chad Hunt here. There have been a few men who have taken all of Hunt, but they do it slowly and almost as a stunt. Summers takes Hunt effortlessly. He swallows him whole again and again, without any signs of distress. You can actually see the bulge of Hunt’s cock in Summer’s neck. After Hunt shoots (unfortunately cocks that big shoot meager loads), Summers tosses him some bucks and throws him out - apparently, this was a pre-arranged, for-profit meeting. He then jerks himself off and literally collapses on the floor.

In a locker room, A.J. Winters and Antonio Majors are talking about two teachers who give As in return for blowjobs. Nearby, Chris Bolt and Brett Collins listen in and stroke themselves through their towels. Bolt and Collins make a great pair: Bolt is tall, dark and model-handsome, while Collins is the classic jock, with short hair, broad face and broad chest. Most of the oral action comes from Collins, and we get another truly first-rate blow-job; he keeps Bolt’s manhood securely in his mouth and sucks him with long, deep smooth strokes. The only reciprocation from Bolt comes in some brief sucking and butt-play. What the action lacks in versatility, it makes up in intensity - it’s a great scene.

A mite less successful is the following four-man scene, which opens with the grade-grabbing students kneeling before their half-dressed teachers and earning their grades. A.J. Winters is a skate-boarder type, with dark deep-set eyes, and is paired with Rick Hollander, a San Diego military type; his cock isn’t long but it is extra thick. The other prof is Risi, a sexy blond Italian, who makes a great contrast to Majors, the ultimate dark swarthy Italian. For most of the scene, Hollander sucks off Winters and Risi takes Majors. They briefly switch so that Risi can suck Winters and Hollander’s foreskin can swallow up Major’s cockhead in some docking. The sex is good, but not exceptional, and we only see Majors and Risi shoot.

Now, a word about Chi Chi LaRue’s orgies. He sometimes gets criticized for moving the camera around too quickly. What he’s trying to do is generate a collective heat, so that you get off on the entire sexual activity, not just particular guys. The orgy of Oral Exams is Chi Chi at his best.

We are in "study hall," and burly bald daddy Ray Stone tells a group of ten randy studs to behave while he’s gone – yeah, like that’s going to happen! Instead, Ebson goads Summers to suck him off, and the rest follow suit. It’s terrific: everybody sucks everybody, yet Chi Chi is careful to pull the camera back so you can see precisely who’s doing whom. There’s also good variety in the cast, so you don’t get bored by an indistinct blur of similar types. In a nice touch, bad Mr. Stone returns and joins in by sucking the youngest looking guy of the bunch, Danny Chance.

Who then should appear, but janitor Hunt? Summers sucks him off yet again, to the obvious awe of the rest of the cast. Hunt barks orders for each guy to take a turn, and we see the cast orally service Hunt, to varying degrees of suck-sess. He then orders them all to take him all at once, and they descend on him in a truly unique, almost harrowing sight – like Sebastian Venables with Elizabeth Taylor screaming away!

In any other video, that would be a killer finale, but this is Summers’ show. He lies on his back on the desk, with his head falling off over the edge, making a straight line from his mouth to his windpipe. He shouts out, "All right, I want you all to fuck my throat" - and they do, one after another after another. The position immobilizes Summers so he takes whatever pounding in whatever rhythm they give him. He then says, "Come on guys, cum all over me. Give me everything," and god help me, they do. (Summers remains closed-mouthed the whole time.) By the time they’re done, he has a white facial worthy of Ponds.

Matt Summers is a marvel, with the face of an angel and the soul of a reprobate. After taking these Oral Exams, the only question you’ll ask is: "Fucking? What’s fucking?"

 -- Jameson Rodgers