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Review

Fancy a good bit of the old rape-rape, torture-torture, what? How about a nice spot of bare boobies from a beautiful bird, eh? Well, lad, Tortured (aka Sex Slave) is just what the barrister ordered, mate.

Yeah, so clearly Tortured is some seriously violent, sexploitative sleaze- British style. We've gotta hand it to director Jason Impey. We really didn't know you limey bastards had such sick imaginations lying under those polite, decayingly Imperial exteriors. Sure, we knew you tea-drinkers were into spanking and funny wigs and shit, but nothing prepared us for Tortured. Let's put it this way: if you're looking for a movie that has any or ALL of the following, then you're in luck: Violent Rape, Beatings, Snatch Shots, Lesbian Bathroom Sex, Gratuitously Long Shower Scenes That Show Off Everything, Guns Graphically Jabbed Into Labias, Clothes Ripped Off and, uh, Sassy Bartenders.

Ok, we don't gve a shit about sassy bartenders either. But the one that shows up here gets the fuck beaten out of her by one of our violent, escaped convict psychopaths, so if some hot chick bartender's refused to serve you a drink in a timely manner, lately, then you're in luck. Our story follows two hulking convicts who are rampaging through the British countryside looking for a hostage and a way out of the country. They're being pathetically pursued by a couple of really unconvincing cops. The bald, fat Jason Statham-type just wants to get the fuck out, but the greaseball, dark-haired dude really wants to find a hot chick to be his hostage. Guess who wins the argument. It takes a fucking long time for them to finally capture one, but, in the meantime, we get to watch the hot lead chick (who we can only guess is Michelle Young) take a nice long shower in which she makes extra sure to soap up her boobs and bush real good. Then we get to watch her whip out her boobies while getting lezzy with one of her girlfriends in the bathroom of the bar (we also get to watch her wipe her cooch on the toilet just before which melted our little heart and made our cock cum with glee). See, Tortured knows what's up: if you're gonna have a violent rape-and-torture flick, but it's going to take a long time to get to the rape and torture, at least throw in some utterly shameless sleaze to keep our attention in the meantime. It's just common courtesy.

Finally, after a totally random violent outburst in the pub, the hot chick is plucked off the toilet by our greasy psycho and the two hornball violent criminals drag her sweet ass into the woods where Greaseball makes her suck his cock, slaps her around, pokes her snizz with his gun (insert jaw hanging wide open here), then gets on top to rape the shit out of her, before continuing to rape her standing up against a tree and moving on to some spanking-enhanced doggystyle rape. Then she runs off naked through the woods for a while and our horny psycho antiheroes proceed to chase her down.

So, for fans of violent taboo sexual horror, Tortured is some fucking awesome shit. Unlike some other rape-and-torture movies, the rape is fucking violent (rather than the unconvincing coercion that seems so common in the genre) and the sleaze just doesn't stop. The only bone we have to pick with this jaw-dropping bit of shock is the zombie shit. It's just not fucking necessary, it's underdeveloped and it seems kind of out of place. But, whatever, short running time and unnecessary zombie shit aside, you're gonna love the shit out of Tortured, it fucking rocks.

 -- Rick Stanko