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Skinopsis

Olga Kurylenko (the ridiculously hot chick from Quantum of Solace and Hitman seems to have descended here from some other planet where the women are so insanely beautiful that a mere Earthling, upon arriving there, might go blind from overwhelmed senses... or something like that. Here, in her film and nude debut, she's, well, it's hard to say exactly what she is, because, frankly, all we could see was one of the most stunning apparitions of female perfection in the history of this or any other universe. But, we suppose, she's a young girl who's not exactly the brightest bulb who goes to some port city after losing the tip of her finger in a lemonade bottling incident. Odds are that she got so distracted at her overwhelming hotness that she lost track of what she was doing. Anyway, she starts working for this creepy Euro dude who preserves random things for random people who, eventually, gives her a pair of gorgeous shoes that he asks her never to remove.

The first chunk of the movie builds like a slow, merciless tease. We get to see the magnificent Olga in a bra and panties once or twice, but we almost gave up on seeing her naughty bits. Thankfully, creepo makes a move and she lets him undress her... completely. First, he takes off her top, then her bottoms, then we see one glisteningly gorgeous boob, then the other, then some bush and, finally, as she lets him violate her nubile snatch her delicious, delicious ass. The full-frontal look, while slightly further than we would have liked, is such a thing of exquisite wankability that faithless men will see God and foolish men will gain infinite wisdom... or at least everybody is sure to lay their cum at the altar of this otherworldly beauty. It's intensely amazing. Later, we get to see one of her remarkable breasts again in the shower and then she gets down for some longer, raunchier sex with creepo that sees her grunting and groaning and offering up more looks at her awe-inspiring bush, ass and boobs. Sure, the plot doesn't exactly make a lot of sense: if we were a nerd, we'd say some shit like "dream logic," but Olga cements herself into the all-time hottie hall of fame with her face-meltingly gorgeous nude scenes.

-- Rick Stanko