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Skinopsis

We'd like to publicly apologize to Mr. Ethan Hawke. In our initial skinopsis of this film, we referred to him as "dick" and accused him of skimping on the skin. Now, he is a dick (have you ever seen such a "sensitive man" before), but he did not, as previously alleged, skimp on the skin. Drugs must have addled our tiny little brain because we felt that Maria Full of Grace's bush scene was so short that we couldn't see it, but it actually lingers for a moment and let us take it in and practically breathe it's peppery Colombian scent. Plus, there are a lot more shots of Maria Full of Grace's tits than we realized, especially while Designated Dave is fucking her (pretty graphically too) although we could have done with a little less Designated Dave man ass, we realize that our hatred of Hawke made us scare all you skinophiles off from a pretty dirty (if unnecessarily self-indulgent) flick. For posterity's sake we are leaving our erroneous review below so you can all see how publicly shamed we are over giving Mr. Sensitive an unfair shake.

Ethan Hawke is a dick. As director, writer, star and probably even the fucking caterer of this movie, he got uber-hottie Catalina Sandino Moreno to go full-frontal (with bush!) and show her boobs a couple more times. Why is he a dick, then? Because it's so fucking quick that we can barely register those pure Colombian sacks. Fucker.

-- Rick Stanko