tlavideo.com

Review

Listen real carefully kids 'cuz there's a moral to this here story. Mostly, drugs are bad, but, more importantly innocent-looking, blonde Midwestern chicks have really, really nice tits. See Blondie (Diane Foster) and Fuzzface (Matt Farnsworth) are just a couple of kids in love, but when Fuzzface inherits (sort of) $200,000 from his junkie Dad, shit goes, well, badly.

See Fuzzface's mom (Rosanna Arquette) has a real dick of a boyfriend. In addition to fucking mom as hard as he can from behind over the kitchen counter, he also plots to bump off Fuzzface to get his money. He arrests Fuzzface (yeah Dickhead's a cop or something) thinking old Fuzzy wuzzy doesn't have a prayer in the bug house. But, adding insult to murderous conspiracy, he uses Fuzz's incarceration as an excuse to viciously rape Blondie. The rape scene plays out in disjointed edits of guns, flamethrowers and Blondie's sweet tits, so it's not as graphic as we might've liked, but it's still disturbing.

Speaking of Blondie's tits: Woo to the motherfucking wee are they sweet! She shows them off a handful of times; during the rape, cowgirling Fuzzface and, in a full-nude, preggos scene that's imagined at the tragic end. Additionally, this gothslut starts hanging out and pulls her mams out for Blondie who, sweet dumb pup that she is, dutifully cops a feel. Oh yeah, it's all about meth... did we forget to mention that? Well, it is and meth, apparently, leads to rape graphic violence, severed body parts, hallucinations and freequent abuse of the English language. Got it? Good. Now that our moral of the story is out of the way, let's go back to talking about Blondie. Diane Foster is definitely destined for big things (even if "big things" just means the chick we're going to beat off to tonight). She's got an incredible body and has a head that's like a cross between the chick from Saving Silverman who wasn't Amanda Peet and the chick from But I'm a Cheerleader who didn't know she was a dyke. In other words, she's hot... really, really hot and her hot body alone makes this worth the price of purchase.

 -- Rick Stanko