Review

Confessions quickly brought back memories of my years at an all-boy Catholic school. Well, okay: I didn't participate in group orgies nor did I jerk off in a confessional, but as a ‘tween those thoughts certainly crossed my mind. Filmed entirely in the UK and featuring a cast of eighteen, the movie runs close to two hours and features young imports from the United Kingdom to satiate even the Queen of England at a tea party.

The basic plotline is that a young man named Luc is sent to a Catholic private school because he screws around too much and is creating a bad reputation (as if sending him to an all boy school is going to encourage celibacy). There is plenty of sex to be found here. I've listed the hottest couplings below:

The first scene is with Scott Mann and Cicero Romero jacking each other off in a cellar, then sucking each other’s cocks. Mann eventually getting slammed by Romero is full of heat. The big turn on for me? Romero’s inner thigh tattoo - red hot!

A locker room scene with delicious Bastian Eade (a.k.a. Ben Jakks) and Ed Miller is next. Wrestling, licking each other’s meat pops and Eade being thrown over the bench getting royally reamed by Miller's cock, it’s a scene that gets my Prince Edward seal of approval.

Move on to a hot threesome with slightly hairy Dan Castillo boinking Antonio Lanini, with Antony Romero watching and eventually joining in, making Lanini the middle of a sweaty man sandwich. No Sloppy Joes here – more like sloppy Tony(s) with a little Castillo on the side. And finally, blonde preppie boy Gavin Keen gets an offer he can't refuse: to shove a dildo up Simon Brit's butt. Does Brit cream? Enough to fill a chocolate éclair. Special mentions to some of the other models, especially Chip, with his sexy, pierced nipple and a Prince Albert that gets worked on overtime by several members of the cast. I also have to point out actor Louis French - with no eyebrows and a shaved head, he looks like he took a dive into a pool of Nair. Remind the make-up artists to pencil in some brows next time.

After an hour or so, Confessions starts to lose a little of its sexual steam. The last half hour of this film is just a series of gang bangs and cock sucking with various cast members that, after awhile, is hard to keep track of. Crotches are rubbed, asses are rimmed and finger-banged, etc. There is such a thing a too much of a good thing.

The soundtrack consists of synthesized beats, Gregorian Chants, Angels singing, and even church bells chiming in, creating a fusion of Enigma and Dead Can Dance. It all lends atmosphere to some of the scenes; sometimes it was purely distracting.

Which leads me to this question - did we really need a full two hours of this film? Couldn't a half an hour been cut out? Or better yet, a sequel like More Confessions: Dirty Stories Revealed? Film is shot beautifully, and the audio sounds great when the soundtrack kicks in, but when the actors speak it gets echoey. The DVD extras include a cumshot gallery, and 16 trailers, which could make for entertainment itself if only they didn’t use the same music for each one. Volume = off.

 -- Cubby Britches

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