Review

Once, after a very long bender, we thought it was a good idea to pop a couple sleeping pills, chow down on a giant salami hoagie and some bootleg Sumo wrestling videos we'd traded some fake opium for. Needless to say, we had some crazy fucked up dreams that night. We'd forgotten all about them... until we watched this genre-defying fuck flick directed by mad genius Carlos Batts who, we can only imagine, either has a little machine that teleports directly into our brain... or is a serious pervert himself. Based on the little we know about physics, it could go either way.

With Artcore, which features four scenes starring Batts' muse (and BBW superstar) April Flores, Batts attempts to completely redefine what a porn flick can be. See, he doesn't just put up a bunch of chicks on-screen, give 'em a dildo and some lube, start rolling the camera, get the four standard positions and the five standard angles and call it a day. No, instead, he throws in remnants of 8-bit video game graphics, amps up a soundtrack reminiscent of what your stoned college roommate used to listen to while he smoked weed you couldn't afford, and makes some very large women do some fucked up things to each other. Yup, pretty much every chick to appear in this video is super-sized... or BBW as they like to call themselves. Well, except for one, the second-to-last scene involves this chick who either used to be a dude or is on her way to becoming a dude. Either way, she had a coochie so, yes, we busted a nut looking at her get kinky with the fine Ms. Flores. Other scenes include Flores dominating an actual dude (who wears a mask the whole time) and surly looking over-sized black chick abusing Ms. Flores (and taking some abuse right back). Throughout, we get treated to the image of three gorgeous BBW chicks masturbating simultaneously, two plus-sized chicks tag-teaming another amazingly-delicious jumbo hottie with strap-ons, spanking, face-slapping, box-munching, cock-sucking, wigs, role play and more.

What we don't get is any dialogue and, while we do get to hear orgasmic moans and the sounds of hands slapping juicy flesh, we mostly get to listen to an experimental electronica soundtrack, We get that Mr. Batts was trying to be all experimental and shit, but we like some context and some moments where there's no music distracting us from the sounds of sexing. We really don't get much of that. None of this is to say that we didn't both get a boner and blow a load, however, and, if you dig weird shit involving many rolls of fat colliding in increasingly kinky ways, you will too. We're not sure Batts completely pulled off re-defining porn, but he did make a pretty fucked up movie that'll make you think while cum driblets erupt from your wangal region.

 -- Rick Stanko