Review

Once, we were strolling through the lovely streets of Amsterdam's Red Light District when some dude with a comically over-the-top EuroTrash accent informed us that his wares would "make you fuck like Superman." He was either hawing coke or ecstasy and we were more in the market for something we could fuck, like Superman or no, so we moved on. Apparently, our EuroTrash friend had a tougher than expected sell. At least, that's what we gathered from Aphrodisiac! The Sexual Secret of Marijuana. See, we were in Amsterdam where ganja is, like, legal and, apparently, weed can also make you fuck like Superman.

Such, at least, is the moral of this sleazy '70s "documentary." In it, some disembodied announcer dude intimately details the many, many sexual benefits that the skunky plant has to offer. Among them are: getting your wife to stop being a frigid bitch, getting uptight dudes some snatch from secretary types in all kinds of crazy positions, getting random groups of people to strip naked and fondle each other and getting hot hippie activist chicks to 69 the fuck out of hulking black dudes. Also, it apparently makes women cum a whole lot easier.

Now, we've been smoking weed for many years. We've also been fucking for many years and we're not entirely sure that the sweet leaf has ever actually made us fuck better. Sure, it makes The Matrix trilogy a whole lot more watchable and it sure makes Cheese Puffs taste good, but fucking... not sure about that one. However, this movie clearly has two agendas: First, to make people more in favor of weed thus, resulting in the removal of its illegality; Second, to give raging boners to dudes like us who love looking at naked '70s chicks.

So, accuracy be damned, this movie is fucking rad. See, we get treated to so many totally naked '70s chicks (from uptight housewives to DTP hippie chicks) exposing their sweet natural boobs and full furry bushes that we lost count at some point. There's also a whole mess of unsimulated fucking, unsimulated box-licking, unsimulated cock-sucking, hot sex in all kinds of crazy positions and more. However, despite the bounty of hot sex scenes that made our pants tightenaround our raging boner, our favorite scene actually involved no fuckaliciousness. Instead, it was, like, some reasearch group or something, but instead of researching anything, they just got a room full of people to get totally fucking naked and caress each other and dance around in circles and, at one totally amazing point, all molest the same extremely delicious hottie at the same time.

Overall, Aphrodisiac! The Sexual Secret of Marijuana is a fucking boob-a-thon of extreme awesomeness. You'll love ogling all the rampant bush scenes, watching hot chicks get screwed 7 ways, all the natural titties and all of the awesome sexual awakenings on display. Whether, weed actually makes you fuck better or not, we know one thing for sure, we're going to go get a big old bag of headies... just after we go beat off to this movie one more time.

 -- Rick Stanko