Review

Arriving with excitable fanfare from the publishers of Men, Freshmen, Unzipped and [2] Magazines, [2] The Movie is a lush, hardcore fantasy of playful party boys and by-the-hour escorts, of shady prowlers and officious pussy-bottoms, of willing gym jocks and bi-curious married dudes – all of them piggish cock fiends. With the seasoned hand of Miss LaRue firmly at the helm, you can expect great gushy things here!

We begin with young bubble-bootied platinum blonde cutie Trey Alimore paging through some porno mags, searching for just the right escort for his “first-time” experience. He phones smoldering scruffy-faced cock jock Jack Ryan, who’s all-too-happy to show up later that night to satisfy Trey’s lusty cravings, previously unexplored as he claims they are.

Jack pleasures Trey with his champion deep-suck blow jobbing skills, slurping heartily and sloppily at Trey’s thick and rigid meat stick, occasionally stopping to nurse on his plump ’nads. Trey reciprocates with a voracious cock-suction job so greedily zealous I swear he must’ve been lying when he said to Jack that he’d never done this before. That or, like me, he was simply born to chug cock. And slurp O-ring. And put a tight ass-clamp on a really big dick.

After a quick reach for the condoms and lube, Trey throws back his legs to receive the girthy plunge of Ryan’s majestic cock and, while the portentous chanting house music sets an orgasmic if slightly sinister tone, Trey rides Ryan’s cock like a rodeo champ, eventually stroking out a rich load of man chowder.

Next, delicious dark-featured man stud Rob Anthony is harassed by a mysterious unseen phone prankster and winds up getting it on with a friendly neighborhood police officer (Adam Wolfe) who, suspiciously, just happened to knock during the offending phone call - and who also looks like he could be a full fucking Marine.

Cut to the basement playpen, with the out-of-uniform Wolfe hanging in a sling, legs spread, O-ring puckered around Anthony’s flickering tongue. Anthony tastes a few strokes of Wolfe’s throbbing night stick, then fucks him wildly, splattering the pig’s smooth hard body with a steaming geyser of man juice.

Apparently still randy, Officer Wolfe shows up at cute hunky Sam Tyson’s place in full dress uniform and, in a jiffy, Tyson’s throat is wrapped firmly around that just-sucked throbbing night stick. Wolfe slurps out and eventually plows Tyson’s spread-wide pink eye with determined intensity and seemingly insatiable greediness. They cream off together side-by-side on the sofa.

Beefy muscle dude Rob Romoni and adorable jock hunk Jason Land peel off their Speedos and have a good old fashioned poolside suck ’n’ fuck, with a side order of hole-probing and sixty-nine ass-chewing. Versatile fucking ensues, with Jason and Rob taking turns humping each other’s tightly clasped bung holes.

I honestly don’t know if the pairings in the magazine and the movie [2] are intended to be taken as real-life couplings and, frankly, I care not. On the one hand, each pairing demonstrates palpable heat, but on the other hand, and without spoiling the film’s sly plot twists, these guys can’t possibly all be real-life couples. Yet my skepticism is tempered by the rampant trickery herein, plus the notion that I’ve seen and reviewed enough porno flicks to know by now and with a great degree of certainty that most hotties performing in porn aren’t savvy enough actors to fake intensity this fucking combustible. But then again, some are - that’s why they get paid the big bucks by the big boys (and big girls).

 -- Beef Stroganoff

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